The Mechanical Girl
by panickedfish
Summary: Lan Fan experiences insomnia as she grapples with her own personal insecurities and doubts. Not wanting to bother Ling Yao with her problems, she tries to keep her sleeplessness to herself.


Lan Fan stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom in the emperor's palace. A hesitant moon, half-hiding behind clouds, reflected light into the space, bathing the objects surrounding her in its wan light. She should have been sleeping. But the girl's mind was far too occupied to allow for sleep to overtake her consciousness.

She had messed up. Big time. It had happened just this morning. The Emperor, Ling Yao, was supposed to make a speech to the people of Xing regarding negotiations with farmers or something. Lan Fan was never one for politics—she preferred to focus her attention on more pressing matters such as defending her prince against anyone who wished him harm. Except that, apparently, she couldn't even do that properly. There had been a conspiracy in place from the get-go. Before the emperor had even started his speech, there was danger lurking in the streets. Oblivious, Lan Fan hadn't been as vigilant as she should have been and so she hadn't been the one to stop the knife from entering the Emperor's back.

Someone did, though it was only at the last second. It was her rival; another apprentice of Fu's who got the credit. And while he was congratulated for saving the Emperor, Ling's other officials all criticized Lan Fan for not reacting sooner. She was experienced and it was an amateur strike; she should have had no problem noticing and eliminating the threat. But she hadn't been paying enough attention. They called her in idiot, they threatened to fire her. She had been able to withstand their comments, mentally kicking herself for being so lethargic. The worst had come a few seconds later, when Ling approached her after speaking to her co-worker.

The expression on the young lord's face, that look of disbelief, as though his trust in her had just been severed, she just couldn't take it. Lan Fan lowered her head, ashamed.

"You were assigned to protect my right side. Why were you unable to perform your duty?"

"I'm very sorry my lord," she said, dropping into a deep bow and refusing to meet his eyes. She could feel the crowd watching her, probably wondering why one of the emperor's guards had been unable to protect him. She wasn't about to tell him about her sleeplessness, the cause for her exhaustion.

"I think you should take a break for a couple of days. You seem worn out. Come back to me when and if you're ready to continue your job."

"Yes, my lord."

And Ling had turned back to the crowd to conclude his speech. He didn't address her for the rest of the day. The man who had tried to kill him was brought into custody, found to be a member of a terrorist ring, and executed within the hour.

It had been a humiliating experience. Remembering it, Lan Fan screwed her eyes shut and gripped the bed sheets with her right hand, the one which was still covered in flesh. Intact. Whole. She felt like screaming into her pillows with the injustice of it all. Her arm, the metal one, wasn't sore anymore. It had escalated well past that point. Her arm creaked and groaned when she tried to move it, the nerves screeching out in pain. The dull ache had faded weeks after the surgery only to be replaced with constant excruciating pain which kept her up at night.

If Lan Fan was honest to herself, she had to admit that the pain was only one part of the problem, though. It was vain and stupid to think, but she couldn't shake the feeling that if she still had all of her limbs, the young lord would be more likely to reciprocate the feelings she had for him. Why would Ling, the young man who led a nation, choose her over any number of the other beautiful Xingese girls? Maybe the fullmetal alchemist didn't mind his 'improved' limbs, but she sure as hell didn't like to feel like a robot.

Lan Fan felt herself blush in the darkness when she thought of the childish infatuation she had with the young lord. If she acted on her feelings, she could be sure that he would just laugh at her—that was the kind of relationship they had. And up until recently, she had been fine with that. Now she wanted more but wasn't sure if the Emperor would care to give it. In frustration, she punched the emptiness of the bed beside her with her left arm and let out a muffled scream. Her eyes teared up and she cursed herself for being so stupid.

Abandoning all pretense of sleep (her arm was really quite sore now), Lan Fan sat up in her bed and stared listlessly into space. In the corner of her eye, she could see that her mask hung on her right bedpost, easily within reach. Grenades, knives, sharpened throwing stars, and firecrackers lined the shelves and filled the drawers within the room. She was ready to return to the Emperor's service, if only he would take her back. Or at least, it appeared that way. In actuality, Lan Fan wasn't sure what she was going to choose. This was a real crossroads for her. Surely the prince wouldn't blame her for retiring—especially after Fu's death—but, at the same time, she had an obligation to him. Sighing and trying to wipe her mind of turbulent thoughts, Lan Fan got out of her bed and pulled on her black jacket over her plain black t-shirt and pants. She left her room and headed for the one place she thought she might be able to rest peacefully.

* * *

When she got to the roof, though, she wasn't alone. A lone figure sat hunched on the edge of the tiles, staring off over the downtown lights of Xing. Lan Fan instinctively dropped into a crouch, unsure about the identity of this stranger. She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a knife just in case. Then the figure turned and she stood straight up, gasping as she recognized who it was.

"Why hello there. You couldn't sleep either, could you?" Ling asked, a soft smile on his face.

Lan Fan blushed and shoved her knife back into her sleeve. Her heart thudded in her chest; the sensation momentarily blocking out the pain in her left arm.

"No," she said, looking down.

"Come sit with me then."

"My lord, shouldn't you be asleep?" Lan Fan asked, though she cautiously made her way over to him as he requested. She sat down beside him, leaving at least a foot of empty space between their bodies.

"Speak for yourself. I did tell you to take some time off, you know. You don't have to be around me twenty-four hours a day." Ling smiled, teasing her.

Lan Fan bristled. She thought that she could keep her thoughts to herself but the prince brought both the best and the worst in her. Simultaneously, she felt fierce loyalty and jealousy and spoke before thinking: "Do you no longer require my services? You want me to quit, is that it? Have I stopped being _useful_ to you?"

The smile disappeared from Ling's face. His eyes widened and he leaned forward. "Lan Fan, I—" but she cut him off.

"I have this stupid, useless automail arm that always pains me and I never sleep because I'm always so worried about you. Now that you're the emperor I can't decide what I should be more afraid of—that someone might kill you, or that your obligations will get in the way and you'll forget all about someone as low as me! You must be embarrassed, at least a little bit, by my prosthetic arm."

"I don't think that at all," Ling said, his expression softening. Then his voice took on a fierce tone: "In fact, I think you were exceptionally brave to do what you did. Otherwise the fuhrer would have caught up to us and since I was determined not to leave you, neither of us would have survived."

He slid over beside Lan Fan and put his arm around her. With his other hand, he gently took her left arm and ran his fingers along the metal. Lan Fan blushed furiously and sat up straight, surprised by the contact. Then, hesitantly, she relaxed and leaned into him, resting her head on Ling's shoulder. She could hear his steady heartbeat through his chest in time to the throbbing of her arm.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, overlooking the skyline. Lan Fan realized that in this moment she was happy, but she still wanted Ling to tell her what he was thinking. He seemed to be mulling something over in his mind. She waited for him to speak .

"There was a reason you were assigned to my right side, you know. Lan Fan, you are my best warrior. I have always been grateful that you travelled all through Amestris with me. You and Fu were the best bodyguards a prince like me could have ever asked for. Though I might not have always told you this, know that it's the truth. I care deeply about you. I always will. And I'd be honoured if you remain with me as I rule over Xing. About what I said earlier this morning, I'm sorry if I reprimanded you harshly in front of everyone. I had to handle the situation in the way that my other officials expected. You understand that, right? Can you forgive me?"

Lan Fan nodded, sniffling. Even though she was exhausted, mentally and physically drained, she was determined not to cry in front of Ling.

Ling leaned back, breaking their embrace to examine her arm. "No wonder it's so painful," he said lightheartedly. "It's covered in rust. We'll get this looked at first thing tomorrow morning. Have you even been taking care of it?"

Lan Fan shrugged. "I guess I was more concerned with looking out for you."

Ling smiled sadly at her. "I really don't deserve you," he said and then leaned forward. Lan Fan felt her body language mirror his and their faces drew close as though magnetic.

Their lips met and they kissed, overlooking the city which was their home. Lan Fan got the feeling that falling asleep tonight would not be a problem.


End file.
